High Standards = High Risk, High Reward
People meet you at exactly the standards you set.
Imagine it’s Wednesday night and you’re messaging a hot guy on Tinder. He says,
“Hey, are you around this weekend?”
You eagerly reply, “Yes! What do you have in mind?”
He responds, “Hmm let me think about it, I’ll get back to you.”
Then…. nothing.
On Saturday night at 9pm he finally messages you, “Are you free tonight?”
Your heart sinks. Is this a booty call? But you really want to see him.
“Yeah, I’m at home.”
“Cool, let’s go grab a drink.” He says.
And off you go. After a sexy night of drinks and making out… you never hear from him again.
What happened?!
You need higher standards and boundaries, baby.
Let’s take another example…
You’re out to dinner with your husband.
It’s so nice to see him - he’s been busy with work and this is your first time together all week.
His phone rings. He looks at you guiltily but picks it up, “Hello?” A few nods. “Yes, I can.” He hangs up.
“What was that?” You ask.
“A new project, ugh. I’ll have to work on that over the weekend.” He replies.
Your heart sinks. Really?!
You finally get time together, and he’s not even really here with you.
What would you do? Act like it’s fine? Be supportive of him and his work? Get angry?
Another spot where boundaries and standards are needed.
One last example…
You reach out to your friend - again - to invite her to get coffee.
You’re always the one reaching out to her, but it’s fine right? It just means you’re a good friend.
She replies, “I have a ton of work! Let me see if I can get through it, then I’ll message you back.”
You keep your morning open in case she is free.
Finally, she lets you know, “I have an hour! Can you come to my house now?”
Reluctantly, you get in your car to drive over to her house - again. At least you’ll get some friend time, right?
Okay, riddle me this - what do all of these examples have in common?
They are all SETTLING.
Settling for last-minute, no effort date invites.
Settling for half-hearted presence from your husband.
Settling for a friend who isn’t making you a priority.
In short, you’re settling for crumbs of affection.
Why do we do this?
Because our social conditioning tells us to be grateful for what we have and don’t be too demanding.
Because our subconscious says we’re not worthy of much love, since our parents didn’t love us well.
Because we’ve been hurt in the past and want to just “keep the peace”.
Because it’s scary to demand MORE. What if that pushes people away??
Yet, it feels awful to settle.
To accept crumbs when you want the whole damn cake.
So what do you do?
You raise your standards and set clear boundaries.
I know, I know, easier said than done.
Let me give you a few examples…
When that Tinder guy messages at 9pm on Saturday, you can say, “Sorry I’m booked up! If you want to plan a date, I need a few days in advance. Have a great night.”
Or with your husband, you could say, “Ouch! I feel unimportant when you pick up your phone during our date. Can you be here fully with me now, no phones, no work talk?”
Or with your friend, you could say, “Ok! I’ll make other plans this morning. Let me know when you have time to meet for coffee. Good luck with work!”
In each of these examples, there are 3 key parts:
Knowing what does NOT feel good (last min invites, half-present attention, not prioritizing you).
Knowing what WOULD feel good to you and asking directly for it
Letting go of the outcome
Letting go is key
When you set higher standards and boundaries, you have zero control over if that person will rise to meet you or not.
That Tinder guy may ghost you forever.
Your husband may roll his eyes and tell you to chill out.
Your friend may never initiate a coffee date with you.
OR maybe...
That Tinder guy will plan a beautiful date.
Your husband will put away work and be fully present.
Your friend will make time to see you.
You don’t know.
Anything could happen.
But what matters is that your attention is on YOU - what you want, what you desire, what feels good to you.
And standing for that, no matter what the other person chooses to do.
That is a profound act of self-honoring and self-love.
That act says - "I matter. What I want matters. I trust more love is available."
You may not even feel worthy of higher standards and stronger boundaries yet.
But I promise, as you set and hold them, you will start to feel more worthy.
It’s a chicken-and-egg situation.
Do you realize how valuable you are, then you hold high standards?
Or do you practice high standards, and in doing so, treat and feel yourself as the valuable human you are?
You deserve all the love and intimacy in the world.
I love you.
Xoxo,
Megan
P.S. This is the perfect topic to work on in my 1:1 coaching. You can book a free Discovery Call with me here where we can explore places you may be settling - and what you really want instead.