Miscommunication in Relationships: Part 2

Ever felt shut down by a partner? Read on...

This is part 2 of my three-part series on classic miscommunications couples have.

Yesterday was on addressing conflict. Today is on desire.

Mistake #2 - When couples shut each other’s desires down

This tends to happen by default without people fully noticing it. I’m framing this as masculine-feminine, but keep in mind, I mean masculine/feminine energy, not gender. We all have both masculine & feminine energy inside us.


Ex:
“I want to buy a new house!” She says
“We don’t have the money.” He says

OR

“Let’s go on a trip around the world!” She says
“You know I can’t take that time off work,” He says


Classically, the “feminine” partner is full of desires - big dreams.
The “masculine” partner lives in the world of logistics - the how.

So when the masculine partner hears a desire, his mind goes to “How can I make this happen?” If he can’t immediately see a way, he often will give a “knee jerk no” response.


Then she usually gets her feelings hurt and reacts passive aggressively, or shrinks and stops sharing her desires.


The antidote?

She can "pre-frame" her desires like this - “I have this idea… we don’t need to make it happen, and I’m not looking for a yes/no answer right now. Are you open to just dreaming with me for a minute?”

This helps him get into a state of mind to be more receptive to what’s next. When she shares her desire, he can practice breathing and getting into the excitement of what is possible, without needing to promise or commit to making it happen right away.

Ex: “Ah I love your enthusiasm! That is a great idea. Will you tell me more?”

Over time, they can negotiate the desire together, leaving plenty of space for both enthusiasm AND logistics.

James & I just went through this one! I have a big desire I knew would take him a while to get on board with, but I used this "pre-framing" and lots of patience, and he’s been coming around to it and we're figuring out logistics. Stay tuned for exciting updates from us

This is simple communication tip can revolutionize relationships and the willingness to share desires with each other. Let me know how it goes!

Love,

Meg