When You *Know* How to Fight Well... But Can't.

Yet, we may *know* the best way to be in a fight with your partner.

And still…

You may not have capacity to be your best self in that moment.

See, in each moment, we have our human animal - the instinctive, reactive part of us - and our human spirit - the most loving & evolved part of us.

(Thank you Allison Armstrong for these terms).

Sometimes, our human animal wins.

We snap. We fight. We cry. We withdraw.

Especially if we’re tired, hungry, or lonely.

Especially if we have traumatic or painful childhoods.

Especially if we have been hurt many times before.

Our bodies may not feel safe and may go into fight-flight-or-freeze mode before we even notice.

Other times, if we’re more resourced, we may feel the pull to react instinctually from human animal…

… but remember we have the capacity to consciously choose to respond from our human spirit.

Instead of pulling away, we can express our hurt and ask for what we need.

Instead of snapping and blaming, we can acknowledge our own pain and feel it.

Instead of overanalyzing and processing for hours, we can feel our hearts and share our feelings vulnerably.

These are conscious choices.

But they are not always easily made.

You can have all the best intentions and love in the world… but you still need support in making this profound change.

Having someone to guide and hold you as you practice new ways of relating is essential.

(If you want to explore what it’s like being supported by me, you can book 30 minutes with me here.)
Making the choice to show up in conflict differently is a moment-to-moment inner work.

To feel your instincts and to choose a new way to be.

It takes effort, intention, skills and gentle compassion for yourself and for your partner as you two grow.

But it is so possible - and so worth it for you and for your partner.

Because the best relationship don’t have no conflict.

They have plenty of (healthy) conflict where there is space for rupture and repair…

And that in rupturing and repairing, each time the relationship bond is strengthened and the trust builds.

And eventually you realize - we can make it through tough things together.
We can navigate our inner worlds with such skill that we trust we will be together for years to come.

Not by always being happy.

But by being real and making conscious choices that keep repairing the ruptures.

Love,

Megan